I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
My first blog on Tumblr (and first blog ever) was called Love and some verses, named after the infamous Iron and Wine album. I still love this band so very much and listen to them just to calm myself down. They just have that effect on me and their lyrics give me goosebumps.
Long to hide your knees
Love to say this to your face
I love you only
For your days and excitement
What will you keep for to wear?
Someday drawing you different
May I be weaved in your hair
Say what you can say
Love to say this in your ear
I’ll love you that way
From your changing contentment
What will you choose for to share?
Someday drawing you different
May I be weaved in your hair
I never kept up with it, of course, but I still loved the name and think about it from time to time.
Thinking about that little blog tonight, I got inspired to write.
To be honest with you readers, I have not been very inspired to blog lately.
I’m not sure why that is…but when I am not feeling it, I’m just not going to force it. Those posts always come off as insincere and scripted to me. I write from the heart- always have and always will.
With Valentine’s Day coming up, I wanted to share love and some verses with you all in this post.
I wrote about the book Carrie read in the Sex and the City movie “Love letters of Great men” in my Valentine post. (Honestly this post makes me cringe and I need to fix it because this was clearly before I learned the important of centering text…)
I will be sharing some of these verses of love with you from this book.
Love and some verses…
” I love you. That is all I know. But all I know, too, is that I am writing into space: the kind of dreadful, unknown space I am just going to enter. I am going to Iowa, Illinois, Idaho, Indindiana, but these, though mis-spelt, *are* on the map. You are not. ”
“I am restless; and a man’s restlessness always means a woman; and my restlessness means Ellen. ”
“ Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.”
” I awake full of you. Your image and the intoxication of last night give my senses no rest.
Sweet, incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart. Are you angry? Do I see you sad? Are you worried? My soul breaks with grief, and there is no rest for your lover; but how much the more when I yield to this passion that rules me and drink a burning flame from your lips and your heart? Oh! This night has shown me that your portrait is not you!
You leave at midday; in three hours I shall see you.
Meanwhile, my sweet love, a thousand kisses; but do not give me any, for they set my blood on fire. “
” …I am at Port Maurice, near Ognelia; tomorrow I reach Albenga. The two armies are moving, trying to outwit each other. Victory to the cleverer. I am pleased with Beauliu; he maneuvers well and is stronger than his predecessor. I will beat him soundly, I hope. Don’t be frightened. Love me like your eyes; but that is not enough: like yourself, more than yourself, than your thoughts, your life, all of you. Forgive me, dear loe, I am raving; Nature is frail when one feels deeply, when one is loved by you…”
” Beware of everybody; trust no one; keep yourself in readiness, as soon as the moon is visible; I shall leave the hotel incognito, take a carriage or a chaise, we shall drive like the wind to Sheveningen; I shall take paper and ink with me; we shall write our letters.”
” …Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us – I can live only wholly with you or not at all – Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirit…”
“…Be calm – love me – today – yesterday – what tearful longings for you – you – you – my life – my all – farewell. Oh continue to love me – never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever ours “
My mom and dad met on 1/ 6/ 86. My mom was 17 and Kevin was 22. Kevin was a bus driver in the city and my mom was riding the bus that day. His badge number was 554 ; little did she know how much that number would come to mean over the years. After his passing, she would see that number show up-on clocks, in random passings, possibly making no sense at all while also making the most sense in the world to her.
They had a December wedding ; my mom loved Christmas and still does. They had 2 daughters and a little brick home in Long Island. My mom was overjoyed to make that home ours and took pride making flea market finds into treasures we would have for many years to come.
The years ahead were not easy. People often said it was like the world was too much for Kevin. When I ask my mom to tell me about my dad, clinging to any semblance of knowing him at all, she tells me that he had particular ways about him. He would obsess over his hair or clothes. He was coping with his own mental health issues, along with his own childhood trauma, and was never supported through that growing up. If you want the perfect example of how much good old fashioned parental love can make or break a person, this is it. Kev struggled with his demons, self medicating along the way, until it got too far ahead of him for him to catch his own breath.
My mom did what was best for us. I was 2, my sister, 3. Unfortunately, the addictive lifestyle Kevin lead was ultimately what lead to his leaving us. The sad part is it was not even the addiction itself that did it, but a senseless act of someone else. My sister remembers more about him than I do and sometimes I stick to the 1 memory I have of him and my mom sitting at a kitchen table, because that is all that I have. I wish I could have known you, but for now I’ll watch you at the kitchen table and find meaning in your number when it calls to me ; 554.
When I asked my mom to sum up the day they met for this post, she stated, “I stepped onto the bus on my way to school and fell in love.”